just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
