He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
