Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
