he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
