I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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