I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
He is an equal opportunity slut.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
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