True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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