Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
