she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
