Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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