I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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