And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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