i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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