dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
