In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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