Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I cannot find my penis.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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