just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Randomize
