I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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