Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
