a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
