It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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