you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
