His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
