Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize