i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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