moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize