So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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