Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
