Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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