sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
