I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
