Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize