I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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