look no pants
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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