this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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