I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
