im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
