Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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