She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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