I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
