it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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