ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
