We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
