Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
