Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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