its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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