he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
