Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
