I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
