last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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