BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
