we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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