I'm so fucking centered right now
Sponge bath it is.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
