come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
