So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
