Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
