hotel room ftw
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
