TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
