he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
How external is "for external use only"?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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