tell your sister to shave her snatch
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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