i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
