I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You pole danced in your parka.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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