Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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