I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
