My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
