She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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