I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
