Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize