I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
