I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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