there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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