she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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