Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
And then the night went full on bisexual.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
