can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize