you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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