regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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