I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
