The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
