youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
