Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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